A Simple Battle With Suicide

Suicide. It is always lingering at the back of my head. It never goes away, not really. I’m plagued with images flashing through my mind, graphic clips of ways to die. Maybe I should just take the blade — No.

Some days I can climb out of the dark to bask in the sunlight. The air feels warm and fresh up there, like no pain can bring me down. However it’s a short and hard fall back to where the pain and sorrow await to embrace me with open arms. The thought of ending it all overwhelms me once more, I am tempted to give in — No.

The guilt I feel hurts more than any pain I can cause to my self. How do I explain the torment I feel, the battle raging behind my eyes? How do I tell the people I love, the people that love me, that no matter how much I fight it, the urge to die still stands strong? How can I face them when I have told them time and time again? Yes, I may see the sun again, but for how long? This cycle will never end. I climb out of the abyss, only to be pulled back down once more. Will they roll their eyes with annoyance? Saying, “You know how to handle this, I don’t know what else to say to you,” for they know nothing else to do. What is the use of fighting a losing battle — No.

No! My life is good. I have a loving man to keep me warm at night A family to turn to who would do any thing for me, a roof over my head and food on my table. That is why must I fight this battle.

I suppose we all struggle, we all have battles we fight, My battle is not greater nor is it lesser than any one else’s. My pain is never ending, but I will always have someone in my corner to listen to my heartache, if not in person, then in spirit.

The battle is not over yet.